hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Found your dick twin last night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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