Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
