your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
