My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
