My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
