we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
