we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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