My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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