Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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