why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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