I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
