I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
