Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
