The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
