I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
