just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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