I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
