if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
