to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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