Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
