wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
