Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Floor bacon is actually really good
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
