my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Say something about gay babies.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
