Can i not drive my cunt home
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
