We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
