forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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