We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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