Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
