RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
