and she was petting her beer can
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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