I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You ruined the universe
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
