I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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