why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
