Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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