Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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