when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
