I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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