I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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