There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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