Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
