GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
