Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
