I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
