i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
