I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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