Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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