It's like a parade of train wrecks.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
