do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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