I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
