i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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