The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
