Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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