That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
