so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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