I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
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he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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