Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i will never coherently bang her
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
