Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
