why didn't you poke me back
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
