How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
