Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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