Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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