Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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